What happens at adults-only resorts? A married woman tells all

A married couple finds out what happens in adults-only resorts — Photo courtesy of DaniloAndjus / E+

I’m about as timid as a peacock in full plume, but I trip on my tongue when my family asks which resort I’m going to in Cancun.

Uh, oh, you know, one of those all-inclusive adult-only resorts.

True. Just not entirely. My husband and I are headed to Temptation Cancun Resort, one of those all-inclusive, sprawling Mexican beach resorts with a spa, costume parties, pool games by day, and performers by night. But it also has a topless pool, an aphrodisiac-centered restaurant with pole dancers, and tantric spa treatments.

After a summer revolving around youth sports and family vacations, all I care about is that it’s an adult-only getaway. We’ve been so busy, I’m not sure I’ve looked my husband in the eyes in two months. And even though I know we could have a blast in an Idaho gas station, I’m a little bit freaked out. I’m worried it will be gross and skeezy — or at least cheap and cheesy.

What we don’t understand, we fear, right? It was time to discover what happens at adults-only resorts.

All-inclusive luxury meets novelty in Cancun

Neon is a constant backdrop at some adults-only resorts — Photo courtesy of Temptation Cancun Resort

As we arrive, I see a white hotel looming from behind palm trees and a big glowing sign that sings, “Let’s play!” I side-eye the hubby, and we both giggle like nervous 12-year-olds. Oh boy.

I’ve read a ton of research on the importance of novelty in long-term relationships — how experiencing new things can bring you closer together and improve relationship satisfaction. This is about as novel as it gets.

My sandals touch the stairs, and a woman hands me a glass of champagne. It’s immediately apparent that Temptation is neither dodgy nor entirely cheesy, other than a lot of neon lights and shirtless men in suspenders. But I’m more intrigued by the modern architecture, the thoughtful chocolate kettlebell in our room (we’re weightlifters), the whirlpool on our balcony overlooking the ocean, and the gorgeous and friendly people around me. It feels sus; are they friendly or flirting?

Rules at adults-only resorts

Couples are drawn to the rooms at all-inclusive adults-only resorts like Temptation — Photo courtesy of Temptation Cancun Resort

Our personal butler takes us on a tour and offers tips: Room service is 24 hours daily. Text him any time for help. You can only be topless in the Sexy Pool, which has a swim-up bar and cabanas. Keep your pants on — this isn’t a nudist resort or Temptation’s spicier Cancun neighbor, Desire Riviera Maya Resort. It doesn’t have designated “playrooms” like La Mirage Swingers Complex in Spain or a full-nudie pool like at Hedonism II in Jamaica.

At Temptation, there’s no sexual activity allowed anywhere in public. If you need a break from the loud music, head to the Quiet Pool. With the nonstop bass awakening a headache, I can already tell we will need that.

Our butler (I love saying that) warns that some couples here may hit on you; don’t be alarmed.

I can handle this.

What it’s really like at an adults-only resort

Many all-inclusive adults-only resorts are right on the beach — Photo courtesy of Aimee Heckel

My husband and I float the rounds in the Sexy Pool to assess the situation. The pool’s packed, but I’m surprised to see only two pairs of free-range breasts. I’m also surprised by how young the crowd looks. I need more of that champagne. Luckily, we have the special red wristband, which means we get the top-shelf stuff.

Temptation doesn’t feel romantic as much as one big party; more bachelorette party than honeymoon. It’s giving Vegas with humidity. And like my trial-and-error vacations in Vegas taught me, you can do it cheaply — but you shouldn’t. We skipped the questionable buffet lines and instead asked our butler to hook us up with sushi and caviar.

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We head to one of the many bars for liquid courage and land next to a couple from Texas. She’s outgoing and reminds me of a friend I’d have in the real world, and before we finish our drink, we’ve swept into the easiest friendship of our lives. The Texans have a crew of five other couples they befriended, like us. Is this how to make friends as adults? Lacy underwear and foam parties?

It turns out the Texans — like many guests — have been to Temptation a zillion times and have a Premier Experience Membership with an annual cost that grants them a certain number of stays every year. It sounds to me like a timeshare, and other guests call it that, too. They all say they hate the “timeshare spiel,” even the people who buy in and the spiel comes with a fancy dinner. I’m glad we eluded that buzzkill.

A romantic couples’ spa date

The spa at Temptation in Cancun is an immersive experience — Photo courtesy of Aimee Heckel

The next day, we’re ready for a break from the boom-cha-boom-cha music that pounded so late into the night that I couldn’t sleep. After a quiet (yay) and delicious breakfast in a beachside restaurant, we navigate the maze of a resort to the spa. The spa treatments aren’t part of the all-inclusive deal but are very needed.

This isn’t your mama’s spa. At check-in, they ask not just the gender of the therapist we prefer but also the physical appearance. We discuss the signature Tantric Fantasy couples’ massage in a moody red room with a private hot tub, champagne, chocolate-covered strawberries, and optional blindfolds. It promises to be a transcendental experience, “a gateway” that awakens your partner’s libido. We pass on the opportunity to transcend and instead sign up for the Sensual Ritual, essentially an aromatherapy couples’ massage, which is sensual — albeit totally professional.

Who goes to an adults-only resort

The rooftop pool and bar at Temptation offers gorgeous views — Photo courtesy of Temptation Cancun Resort

Afterward, with relaxed muscles and drool on our cheeks, we run into our new BFFs in the rooftop pool. In not-your-typical poolside conversation, they explain they’re not swingers. They like the flirty energy, costumes, and suggestive entertainment. It brings them closer as a couple and keeps their marriage exciting. I hope my butler isn’t disappointed to learn they don’t hit on us but invite us to join their chartered boat adventure to a nearby island.

The next day, I text friends back home: “In case we go missing, we’re headed to a random island with strangers.” But in truth, they don’t feel like strangers. Maybe it’s the type of people who go to an adults-only resort or the vibe the resort sets. We dance on the back of the boat in a rainstorm, and I feel joyfully bonded with my new friends and more in love with my husband than ever before.

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Theme nights at adults-only resorts

Even dining at an adults-only resort can be sensual — Photo courtesy of Aimee Heckel

The final night is the neon foam party, which is wilder than the other theme nights. We’ve pieced together our costumes from my Halloween box, but luckily, the trusty Texans have packed body paint. People are making out in the foam-filled pool.

That’s when it happens. A smirk. A nod. A couple gives us “the look.” They invite us to their room. I decline as tactfully as possible — while wearing a neon yellow garter belt.

At that moment, I find myself admiring my husband through the eyes of a stranger, like when we first met. We actually see each other again, not just as parents and chauffeurs of the basketball team — but as lovers.

That final night, I kissed my husband of almost 20 years on the balcony under the Mexican sky and keep laughing, “What just happened?”

Ultimately, we realize it was all about that first impression: “Let’s play!” Temptation is simply adult playtime, as naughty or as nice as you want.